>> On Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:19:52 -0400, Doc NP-f31 wrote:
>>> Hey Fortsters,
>>> Maybe it's just because I'm built the way I am that makes things like
>>> this occur to me, but I often wonder about WHY I am a boylover. What
>>> made me this way? I think I have a pretty good grasp on why I ended up
>>> a BL and it's because I was molested by my Uncle from the ages of
>>> 8-14, whcih just happens to be the range of my AOA.
>> Or, perhaps, it is because the reduction in childhood mortality resulting
>> from adults paying close attention to juveniles of their species, at ages
>> when their enthusiasm and curiosity vastly exceed experience and caution,
>> drives the evolution of that species towards adults who are hard-wired to
>> pay close attention to juveniles; and that the hard-wiring operates on a
>> pleasure-of-their-company basis.
>> Is it perhaps the adults who do *not* "find children attractive" that are
: Hey Ronin!
: How very true. My suspicion is that the majority of people DO find
: children attractive and it scares the hell out of the ones who realize
And -- remember <The Adjusted American>? -- makes those who do *not*
realize it see a paederast behind every bush.
>> After about age 8, a child's grin shows adult upper front teeth, marking
>> the end of little-kidhood. After about age 14, bone growth changes the
>> child's retroussé nose into an adult's straight (or convex) one, the jaw
>> from a child's shallow/light one into an adult's deep/heavy one, and the
>> skull itself into one in which the eyes, which were about three-quarters
>> of their adult size at birth, no longer seem *large*; and that marks the
>> end of perceived kidhood, period: this child no longer requires constant
>> attention, say all the indicia.
>> And, as evolution apparently agrees, this is probably so.
>> The term "molestation" is, shall we say, *unhelpful*: depending on its
>> user, it might denote anything from mere physical contact to consensual
>> sexual intercourse -- as well as its base sense of unwelcome intrusion,
>> physical or otherwise.
: I am considering those boylovers who, like me, were sexually abused as
: kids. In my case, molestation is a kind way to put it. What it was,
: was sadism in a very real sense. Knowing me as well as you do, you
: will understand when I point out that my wn experiences have been a
: prime motivation to come out as a BL and work toward the safety and
: well being of boys.
Note that the linkage of the concept "child" with the concept "sex"
provokes such panic in Grownup minds that there is no separate word
for *sexual activity forced upon an unwilling child*: they consider
*all* sexual activity involving a child as "abuse" -- even activity
which involves *only* that child, all by (as they say) *itself*.
It appears, however, that the word "rape" fits quite well here, no?
>> (And, in most children's lives, the most unwelcome intrusions are those
>> of She Who Must Be Obeyed, a figure of enormous Power; one wonders how
>> much of the -- admittedly rare -- (more-or-less) sexual activity forced
>> on children by a stranger replays the stranger's childhood experiences,
>> or is simply the stranger channelling SuperMum.)
And perhaps that forced on children by the occasional uncle as well?
>> How does one describe what is happening to an 8-year-old boy who is --
>> again -- sitting between the legs of a grownup, belt unbuckled, zipper
>> unzipped, not resisting what the grownup's hands are -- again -- doing
>> between *his* legs, not minding -- again -- what actually feels rather
>> nice, but feeling -- again -- more than a little guilty about letting
>> him do it and about at least kinda liking it, and on the edge of panic
>> -- again -- that someone might suddenly come in? Especially his Mum?
>> Can one argue that his non-resistance amounts to consent? And that he
>> has not attempted to avoid the grownup after what is happening now has
>> happened several times previously amounts to informed consent? If so,
>> what, if anything, does that imply about the boy?
: As you noted before, perhaps it is subjective and depends upon the
: boy. I know MANY boys (some who are now men) who clearly understood
: that what was happening to them was abuse. Many tried to stop it in
: the limited ways a ten year old has. If Mum and Dad are asleep at the
: wheel, the kid is essentially powerless agaisnt an agressive abuser. I
: liked it the first time. Subsequent experiences were more than
: unpleasant. My Mom, my Grandmother, aunts, Uncles, no one questioned
: my bruises, no one comforted my tears, no one lifted a finger about my
: complaints. Perhaps because I was too ashamed and unclear about what
: was done to my butt, because I didn't have the words for it at age 8
: or 9, I never mentioned that stuff to them. Maybe it was my fault for
: not telling. What does that say about me?
I suspect that it says that you realized, however dimly, that you could
be setting yourself up for a world of grief if you *did* tell.
"Unclear about what was done" is not the problem, as a simply detailing
of *what was done* would entirely suffice; and nor is the necessity of
breaking the taboos, learned at an early age, against talking about the
NastyFilthyDisgustingWeDoNotEvenMentionEver. Rather, I believe, it is
the necessity of telling that *what was done* was done more than once.
"You *let* him do the NastyFilthyDisgusting to you!" is quite likely to
be followed by "You little pervert!"; and if it is not, you will still
be Damaged Goods; and in any event, it would doubtless become a matter
of general knowledge among your agemates -- they of the famously tender
mercies -- within days.
And all of this assumes that your Grownups would believe what you said,
rather than your uncle's version (or denial) of the events; and if they
did not, you would *still* be considered Damaged Goods, for having come
up with such a NastyFilthyDisgusting pack of lies in the first place.
Perhaps, after all, better to suffer in silence.
>> Is the boy being, in any objective sense, harmed? If so, how? And if
>> not, why not?
>> Is there anything *wrong*, here? If so, what? And by what standard?
>>> I know other guys who were just born that way. Maybe there's a lot of
>>> others who have given the subject some thought. I'd be interested in
>>> reading about your opinions or suspicions.
>> If "BL" follows "M", does that make "M" the cause of "BL"? Or is "BL"
>> the natural state, which would have in any event resulted, and the "M"
>> a (remembered fondly or otherwise) coincidence?
: I think it is different for everyone, and that is what I'm trying to
: determine. I know BLs who were never touched as boys and never touched
: a boy,but they had the feelings and knew it was different from being
>>> Do you remember the first boy you were physcially attracted to?
>> The term "physical attraction" seems likewise problematic, as one would
>> hardly expect that a *BL* and his *LB* sitting absolutely motionless on
>> adjacent air pucks would be drawn together by that notional "force".
>> It would probably be in any event more precise to speak of "attraction
>> to the physical form" -- BoyBody -- in which a boy walks around, which
>> is not the same thing as *attraction to the personality* of what walks
>> around in that BoyBody -- dh, the Boy: the *hardware*, one might say,
>> as contrasted with the *software*.
: Maybe not. I was really thinking in terms of the first time you
: (Boylover) looked at a boy and felt that special something, love if
: you will, or attraction. My first time, it wasn't a sexual feeling, I
: just wanted to be close to him. I'd already been sexual at that point
: and sexual attraction was not on my mind, though it may have been in
: my subconscious.
>> What Boy was ever more loved in The Fort than MTB -- of whose BoyBody
>> no more is known than it was "ginger-haired"?
: He was cute, take my word for it. Skinny as hell and cute.
>>> Did you gradually become aware that you were different? Did it hit you
>>> all at once?
>>> Please share if you have a mind to,
>> Indeed; but it would be well to keep in mind that Big Bother [sic]
>> is watching, and it might be advisable to give him no further cause
>> to trace your IP address back to your home address ...
: The point of my post was to create a series of posts to help others
: work through their sexuality in the vernacular. There are people here
: who come for the pictures. If I can get them thinking about the whys
: and why nots, then it is a useful exercise. I am not asking anyone to
: write about anything illegal, just opinions and memories, thoughts and
: emotions. Your point is well taken and your post insightful as always.
: Much love,
== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Fri, Oct 21 2011 10:52 am
From: HMS Victor Victorian
On Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:19:52 -0400, Doc NP-f31 wrote:
>Maybe it's just because I'm built the way I am that makes things like
>this occur to me, but I often wonder about WHY I am a boylover. What
>made me this way? I think I have a pretty good grasp on why I ended up
>a BL and it's because I was molested by my Uncle from the ages of
>8-14, whcih just happens to be the range of my AOA.
>I know other guys who were just born that way. Maybe there's a lot of
>others who have given the subject some thought. I'd be interested in
>reading about your opinions or suspicions.
>Do you remember the first boy you were physcially attracted to?
>Did you gradually become aware that you were different? Did it hit you
>all at once?
>Please share if you have a mind to,
Curious. I must confess that, although I actually know face-to-face
very few Boylovers, I suspect that very few as children had been
actually molested themselves. Now certainly, a Boylover who may have
been arrested for molestation (or any other of the increasingly
numerous and convoluted attending charges) is oft likely to claim he
had been ... for it is an effective ploy for getting sympathy and a
lighter penalty. I do not criticise any person in such a position for
claiming so ... I would do the same! Rather, I suspect the truth of
I can tell you in all honesty (barring the outside possibility that I
had suffered some horrible post traumatic reaction to being diddled
and had utterly surpressed the memory-a load of tosh) that as a child
I was not and had never been approached, touched or mistreated by a
paedophile. And had I been, and had I been traumatised in the
process, I seriously doubt that such an adverse experience would have
made me a Boylover. Rather, I might have been driven in the other
I was not effiminate as a young boy ... gay as so many now mistakenly
tag it ... but I was painfully timid and easily frightened. longing
for hugs and reassurance. As a lad I always feared new things, and
cherished my younger experiences ... to me the future held danger and
the past security and warmth. Needless to say, my self-esteem
(believe it or not!) was very low among my peers.
Did I gravitate towards affection for boys because of my affection for
having been a boy? Perhaps. Could it be genetic? Perhaps. But such
arguments are only useful to those who insist that paedophilia is an
affliction as well as an affront to morality and society. I don't
worry about it anymore. I know who I am. I acccept it.
I realised I was "different" at puberty, and it came one night in a
dream ... at the age of twelve, long before I experienced my first
ejaculation. A friend of mine, Bradley, had come to the front door
and rang me up. I opened the door and found him standing infront of
me atogether naked. He was also twelve, well-proportioned and quite
athletic ... a boy's boy.
And I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And I
awoke with a longing ... not in my groin, but deep in my heart.
God Save the Queen.
God Bless the Prince of Wales.
God Preserve the Windsors.